Monday, September 08, 2008

I Cannot Live, I Can't Breathe Unless You Do This With Me.

I've been wanting to blog about so much lately, that I don't even quite know where to start. We'll see what happens.

Okay, I've been especially drawn to certain lines in songs lately. It's weird because those lines stand out so much that they bring tears to my eyes. Sometimes, I don't even know what song I'm listening to, or I've forgotten that I'm still wearing my headphones, but I ALWAYS hear these lines. They just resonate with me. I like that word right now -- resonate. I feel like the lines are singing out the prayers I carry in my own heart.

Here are a few of them:

"I cannot live, I can't breathe unless you do this with me." - The Adventure by Angels and Airwaves

"Jesus, can you show me just how far the east is from the west 'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again...You know just how far the east is from the west, from one scarred hand to the other." - East to West by Casting Crowns

"Wreckless abandon wrapped in common sense. Deep water faith in the shallow end, and we are caught in the middle. With eyes wide open to the differences -- the god we want and the God that is. Will we trade our dreams for His? Are we caught in the middle?" - Somewhere in the Middle by Casting Crowns

"Your love is extravagant. Your friendship, it is intimate." - Your Love is Extravagant by Casting Crowns

"You don't need the answers to all of life's questions. Just know that he loves her, stay by her side, and love her like Jesus." -Love Her Like Jesus by Casting Crowns

"Never let me go. Never, never let me go. Never let me go. I can't without you. Never let me go. It's you that knew me first, and you will know me last." - Five Prayers by Ryan Goeken

I really love the entirety of all of those songs. But those lines just really speak to where I'm at right now. I just want to be caught up in God's love and I want to be secure in it. I want to rest in the assurance that God is present and that He passionately loves me. I want to be in love with Him and seek Him everyday. I really feel challenged by that, though, at the exact same time.

Like, I have so much going on this semester already. I have class and clinical and a bunch of things at church...and I'd like to have time to study and workout and what not. But just juggling...heck, just surviving my standard schedule, is truly demanding. That's why I love the lines about needing God and praying He won't let me go...because I know I can't do any of this without Him. I can't do any of it on my own. It's humbling...and kind of scary...Scary because I so often become a Martha...I get caught up in serving and tend to not make time for worship and prayer. And when it becomes hard to find time, or when I don't feel connected, I'm prone to giving up.

I feel like it's good that I at least have a desire, though. I keep praying that God will increase my desire for Him. So, I would literally hunger and thirst for Him. *sigh*

I don't know how to put my thoughts into words right now. All I keep thinking is that those lines I listed...I sing them over and over again with tears in my's like they're the words I can't quite seem to string together on my own.

The end.

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