Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Pick a Comforter

So, I'm all moved in, now...I guess...and I'm adjusting to my new home...South Dakota life...uhhhhhhhh.....It's still a bit weird for me, I guess...Classes start, tomorrow. I think that will actually help me out because, right now, as I consider involvement in different things, I have to like imagine what my schedule will be like. Tomorrow, I'll start living it. I must admit, I miss all of my friends and in person friends alike. Hopefully, the RCC will get my lappy to work, today, and I can get on MSN, again. Or y'all could just answer your phones *pouts*.

Anyway, it's been a bit of a tough transition for me...not knowing's a bit scary...and I don't want to get caught up with people who won't be good friends just because I'm lonely...maybe I'll meet someone from Christian Campus Ministries, today. I hope so...and I hope that I can figure out what activities to pursue. I'm supposed to audition for the orchestra, tomorrow, but do I really have time for that? I was offered a position on the Vision Team for Christian Campus I want to pursue that? Would that be better than orchestra? Do I have the time and talent to really pursue that? Should I join the Nursing Students Association?

There are just so many questions running through my mind, right now. I wish I knew what to do...I think I just need to pick a comforter, and then, I'll be fine.

Before I left, I agonized over which comforter to adorn my bed had to be just right...warm, fun, practical, comfortable, and big enough for my bed...At first, I worried about what everyone else would think of my comforter...worried that they would laugh, but I realized that if I went by someone else's opinion, I may actually end up with something that wouldn't be right...I realize, now, that the same needs to be true whenever I am choosing a comforter. The Lord is always there for me...He meets all the criteria, and now that I'm on campus, I really need to remember to turn to Him. I don't know everything, and I don't know a lot of people...but I know God, and He will provide for me if I trust Him. Being human, it's scary to give up control, but I never really had, it shouldn't bother me to acknowledge the sovreign reign of the Father. On these nights filled with choices and these days filled with opportunities, I look to the Lord for my comfort, my strength, and my courage. Though I had to leave so many of my comforters behind, I have the ultimate one with me always. He'll make it all work out...and help me to be surrounded by others who embody the same love and can comfort me, too...Thank you to all my comforters...all of my friends...all those who have been praying for me. I love you all. *cries a bit*

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Angst is a killer

Until my good friend Jackie pointed it out to me, I had not realized I was being angsty...I know I've had some nice mood swings as of late, but I didn't realize they were angsty mood swings...until seems that angst is defined as "anxiety or apprehension often accompanied by depression" can also be defined in terms of existentialism, but I'm not in the mood to go into appears that I have been angsting over moving out...hmmm....go figure...I then realized angst is a killer...I've cried enough, lately, to make myself dehydrated...yay for me...then, I realized that angst could spawn more serious mental health issues...I hope and pray I avoid those...I think I need only to look my angst in the face, confront it, and chase it off...then, I can recapture my.....ummmm....almost sunny disposition....yeah....that's it...

Sunday, August 21, 2005

My Aunt's Wedding

Okay! I just got back from Minnesota. I played bassoon for my aunt's wedding. It was an okay weekend. I mean, it was fun seeing my family, again, and I had some nice conversations with my great aunts. I really wish I knew them better. However, my aunt's wedding was nothing like the wedding I dream of having. The only thing in common is probably some of the guests. Don't get me wrong. I love my aunt. I love my new uncle. I thought the ceremony was sweet. However, the ceremony was performed by a judge in a legion hall...the ceremony took 5 minutes...literally....*sigh* I definitely want to be married by a pastor. I want my wedding to unite my husband and I in a covenant with our Lord. I would love to worship God during my wedding service. I don't know if I'd rather be married in a church or outside...but there will definitely be flowers...oh, and there will be no divorce involved...that's important to note as well....anyway :laughing:. Obviously, being a girl, I've given some thought to my future wedding, but I'm not going to divulge all of my guess, I'll leave you with that.

Whoa! Craziness!

Hey, I'm soooo sorry for not posting for like...ever...I am not dead nor anywhere near death. My computer hasn't been cooperating when I needed it to, and I've been extremely busy getting ready to head off to SDSU, which I do Friday evening.

I must be honest, I am scared. I've been crying a lot, lately. I just...can't seem to wrap my mind around leaving. I know, I need to go. I could list so many reasons for why I need to go, but...I'm still kind of afraid to. I know, it's silly. I f I know I need to go, then I should have faith that all will turn out well. I know the Lord is wiser than I am...I know He knows better than I do...I just pray that He'll let me keep my friends...that I'll remain close to them...that they'll still love me when I am gone...that this isn't really goodbye...but...I guess, it's not for me to say. I know they will all be in my heart, and I know that I don't want to lose touch with them. I love them all. I just pray that can remain the same.

It does make me feel better, though to know that a few relationships (those that are already long-distance) will remain unscathed. They will continue on just as they have everything's changing...and God's love for me doesn't change. *nods* Right? *bites nails* I guess, I'm still a bit shakey on the actual confident departure stuff...sorry...

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Excited about retreat

So, I'm totally leading a purity retreat on Friday! Yay! It's a very exciting time...and I just hope and pray that I can bring glory to the Lord through it...that I can really serve Him by serving these girls. I have been so blessed just to have this opportunity, and then, I have good friends there to help me guys are so awesome for helping...Amy, thanks for your support.....

Anyway, I am so pleased to see how many other people are passionate about the value of marriage...and it's so kool to read/hear different people's views on the topic. I've really enjoyed that aspect of planning the retreat. So, I was really pleased to stumble on a post on one of the blogs I frequent relating to marriage...I thought I'd case anyone shared my interest...

Sunday, August 07, 2005


I am sooooo blessed! The Lord has given me awesome friends and amazing opportunities! :D I am soooooo happy, right now. I just found out that a friend of mine who had attempted suicide did not succeed. I am so glad to hear that he's okay...oh, my gosh. I have been praying for him and thinking about him, and I was sooo worried, but he's okay...maybe I didn't fail him, after all.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Delightfully? Overwhelmed

Whoa! So much to do and literally so little time! I feel swamped with practicing, prepping, planning, packing....(today's post was brought to you by the letter "P") "Why so busy?" you may ask, "Isn't it summer?" Well, my dear, it may be summer, but I am still perpetually busy. I am not this way just to perplex you all, and I really don't think I bit off more than I can chew...I think I'm just plain tired. Perhaps I could remedy the situation by merely getting more sleep. I bet that's probably true. Anyway, the reason I am soooooooo that everything is drawing to a close. The deadlines I have been working to reach all summer long are practically here. There's the girls' group meeting, tomorrow, that I must prep for, the Purity retreat that I am preparing to lead, this Friday night, the wedding that I'm playing bassoon at, next week, and then...there's *sings creepy music* the fact that I must finish packing before I leave for college in.......just under three weeks...*gulps*

Don't feel bad for me, though. I may be plum tuckered out, but I'm not crazy...I'm not in pain...and I know that the above paragraph was probably filled with unnecessary ranting. I apologize for that...I guess, the point is that I AM busy, but that I love all that I'm doing, right now. I'm pooped (I used the term for the "p", I'm not going to lie), but I'm not stressed out...surprisingly. I guess, when you pursue the passions that God has placed in your heart, when you follow His will regardless of what it may do to your schedule, He will provide you with the strength you need to carry on. He'll bless you with friends who are supportive and uplifting, he'll give you people who can and will provide you with assistance, and He'll fill your heart with peace. I suppose some may think I'm crazy...and some my say that this is just the fatigue talking, but I feel really close to my God, right now...not as close as I'd like to be...but definitely a lot closer than I've been in the past. Isn't our Lord amazing!

I hope that you all will be filled with peace as you prepare to deal with a variety of changes. Whether you're family has been uprooted or you are dealing with pain or you are merely having to cope with a new learning environment, I hope and pray that you will be able to feel the Lord's loving presence, that you will be able to see His glory through those that surround you. You have all been such blessings to me. Thank you for showing Christ's love and mercy to me and for helping me out, this summer. Thank you for not giving up on me...I know I can be a handful. You are all such blessings, and I know that the Lord has used each and every one of you to bring me a portion of the joy I feel, now. Thank you so much...*happy tears*...Remember that God and I love you.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

A Gift to All

It is my personal belief that the greatest gift we have ever received is our freedom...but which freedom? The freedom of speech? The freedom of religion? The freedom of press? Freedom from oppression? Well, while those are all very important freedoms and we are truly blessed to possess each of those in this country, the freedom I have in mind is much more universal...and much more spectacular...our freedom from sin. The Lord, in His astounding mercy, has freed all of us who have faith in Him from our sins...forever. How awesome is that?!? At The Sisterhood on Sunday, the girls and I discussed the Lord's infinite grace. He has forgiven us for all kinds of sins...big ones, small ones, repetitive ones. He forgives us completely each time. Not only that, but the Lord actually forgives AND forgets. He doesn't keep score...he doesn't keep track...because if He did, none of us would measure up. In Soul Sister by Beth Redman, the author points out that we needn't feel ashamed and beat ourselves up over the mistakes of our past. If the Lord has forgiven us for it, then it's been erased from our record. Jesus signed his name to your sin and allowed you to go from from from labels. It's remarkable. We need to remember just how marvelous it is to be freed from our sins...and we need to help to set others free as well. As Christians, we are called to be like Christ and forgive others, no matter how many times they hurt us. It's a hard thing to do, but think of all the hurts we've caused our Lord. Each and everyone of us have sinned over and over again...we are the reason that He died...yet, He forgave us. If we don't forgive our brothers and sisters in Christ...if we don't forgive our neighbors, we leave them pinned under their sins...bound to despair...We are not being merciful like our Lord and Saviour was to us. Not only can this stunt the growth of that person's faith and maturity, it can harm us as well. Unforgiveness can lead to gossip, grudges, bitterness, hatred, and revenge...It is easy to become controlled by the sins that have been committed against us, to be absorbed in the thought of them, to dwell on them instead of dwelling on the mercy of our Lord. "Freely you have received, freely give." (Matthew 10:8) We need to live like Christ and share with others the amazing grace that we have received. Give a gift to your friends, this week and everyday of your life...give them the gift of freedom...the ultimate freedom. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."