From my Devotional...Satan's on the Prowl

DEVOTIONS FOR A SACRED MARRIAGE: THE PREYER

Read this online at: http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/07/14/devotions-for-a-sacred-marriage-the-preyer/

by Gary L. Thomas

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8).

Previous generations of Christians may have paid too much attention to the devil, but our age tends to pay him too little heed. The severe truth is that Satan hates your marriage and makes its destruction a nearly daily aim.

It is said that while Francis of Assisi prayed for his Order, "by divine revelation he saw the whole Place surrounded and besieged by devils, as by a great army." Much to Francis's satisfaction, the demons couldn't find a place to enter, until one of the friars was stirred to anger and began to plot revenge on a brother. "As a result, the gate of virtue being abandoned and the door of wickedness being open, he gave the devil a way to come in."

Francis called for the offending brother and confronted him. The brother confessed that he had, indeed, been making vengeful plans; he repented, and the gate to hell slammed shut.

While many today might snicker at such a "primitive" worldview presented in a classic book written almost seven hundred years ago, our modern naivete concerning spiritual realities is at least as pathetic. When we quarrel with each other; hold resentments; allow bitterness to simmer; play petty games of control, manipulation, and revenge, we do, in fact, open up the door to spiritual beings who seek to destroy the holy family God has called us to create.

Jesus taught constant vigilance when he hold His disciples how to pray. The Lord's Prayer includes these words: "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one" (Matthew 6:13). Notice, Jesus didn't say, "deliver us from evil" but from "the evil one." Jesus told His followers to regularly petition God so they wouldn't fall prey to the evil one's schemes.

A married couple's relationship is the inner fortress in a cosmic spiritual battle. This fortress is not limited to just a man and a woman; it also protects the children who result from that union. Even more than that, it protects generations of grandchildren and great-grandchildren, who will be influenced by their ancestors.

With so much at stake, can we afford to be lackadaisical? Dare we forget that a powerful, pernicious being has made it his aim to wreck what God is trying to build? Even worse, are we cooperating with his agenda? By our actions, whether physical (flirting with an office mate, viewing pornography, getting so busy we have little or no time to work on our marriages) or spiritual (refusing to forgive, holding a grudge, neglecting to build spiritual intimacy), are we foolishly and recklessly putting our marriages at risk?

Because Satan exists, we must remain vigilant over our souls and our relationships and refuse to provide any open doors that can invite Satan to work his wiles. One "little" thing, left unattended, can be nursed and built up to become a major issue.

Flush out all of it today. Ask God to give you a forgiving heart, a loving heart, and a pure heart. Keep moving toward your spouse. Ask God to close any doors you have foolishly left open. Guard what God has given you; give Satan no place to enter.

Last to Know

Britney Spears - Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know

My friends say you're so into me
And that you need me desperately
They say you say we're so complete
But I need to hear it straight from you
If you want me to believe it's true
I've been waiting for so long it hurts
I wanna hear you say the words, please

Chorus
Don't, don't let me be the last to know
Don't hold back, just let it go
I need to hear you say
You need me all the way
Oh, if you love me so
Don't let me be the last to know

Ooh, ooh yeah baby

Your body language says so much
Yeah, I feel it in the way you touch
But til' you say the words it's not enough
C'mon and tell me you're in love, please

Repeat Chorus

C'mon baby, c'mon darling, ooh yeah
C'mon, let me be the one
C'mon now, oh yeah

I need to hear you say
You love me all the way
And I don't wanna wait another day
I wanna feel the way you feel
Oh, c'mon

Don't, just let me be the one
Don't hold back, just let it go
I need to hear you say
You need me all the way
So baby, if you love me
Don't let me be the last to know

I must admit (I know it's a shocker) I don't agree with Britney...in the least.

I actually would kind of like to be the last to know. Now, for any men who happen to read my blog, I don't mean to say that you should be afraid to talk to me...or ask me out on A date. Eventually, I may even be willing to have a boyfriend, again...and yes, one day, I do want to get married. I guess, I'd just like to be the last to know that you love me...the last to know you want to marry me...because I think you should talk to your parents, friends, minister, mentors, and especially God before I hear of it. Because then, you'll have thought it through, and you won't tell me you love me and that I'm the one for you before you really know that, before you mean it. By the time I hear of it, you'll know that I'm the one you'll marry...and that way, there'll be less pain for all involved. So, I guess, don't go tellin' me I'd make a great wife until you're ready to make me a bride....

hmmm...none of this is coming out quite right...my words are failing me, blargh...hopefully, you get the idea.

Johnny Appleseed

I've begun to realize that being a youth leader is a little bit like being a parent...and a lot like being Johnny Appleseed.

Johnny, or Mr. Appleseed as I like to call him, criss-crossed the nation planting appleseeds (coincidence? I think not) everywhere. Now, since he was alwasy on the move, Mr. Appleseed did not get to stick around and see his trees begin to grow. He wouldn't get to know whether or not they grew or if something happened to them. He didn't know who was going to care for his trees, he didn't know if anyone was going to be there for them...or how they would treat his beloved trees...or if they would even remember that he planted them...He'd probably never get to see his trees full grown. He wouldn't get to know whether or not they would bear fruit or what kind of fruit it would be.

That is where I am, now...I planted seeds (hopefully) in the middle school and high school girls in my Bible study, but I will be going off to college again...and I don't know whether or not I'll be coming home next summer...so, I'm going to pass the group on to a new leader....which means I won't be around to see how these girls turn out...what kind of spiritual fruit they bear...who they grow to be...but regardless...I'll always love them...I'll always be there if they need me...and they'll always be in my prayers.

A Little More Than Useless...I hope

Song lyrics I'll be referencing:

More Than Useless by Relient K

I feel like, I would like

To be somewhere else doing something that matters

And I'll admit here, while I sit here

My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather

Whats the purpose? It feels worthless

So unwanted like I've lost all my value

I can't find it, not in the least bit

and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all

And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all

But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless

And when I think that I can't do this

You promise me that I'll get through this

And do something right

Do something right for once

So I say if I can't, do something significant

I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted

And nothing trivial, that life could give me will

Measure up to what might have replaced it

Too late look, my date book

Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone

And I bet, that regret

Will prove to get me to improve in the long run

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all

And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all

But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless

And when I think that I can't do this

You promise me that I'll get through this

And do something right

Do something right for once

I’m a little more than useless

And I never knew I knew this

Was gonna the day, gonna be the day

That I would do something right

Do something right for once

I notice, I know this

Week is a symbol of how I use my time

Resent it, I spent it

Convincing myself the world's doing just fine

Without me

Doing anything of any consequence

Without me

Showing any sign of ever making sense

Of my time , it's my life

And my right, to use it like I should

Like he would, for the good

Of everything that I would ever know

I'm a little more than useless

When I think that I can't do this

You promise me that I'll get through this

And do something right

Do something right for once

I’m a little more than useless

And I never knew I knew this

Was gonna the day, gonna be the day

That I would do something right

Do something right for once

I guess I'm having one of those days where I feel...unimportant, unnecessary, unwanted...it just seems like I don't matter...like no one cares if they get to see me, or if they get to talk to me, like the things I say and the things I do don't really matter...like...I'm just...here...a frill...if you get to see me, woo-hoo for you...if not, meh...I suppose that's not true. I pray that the Lord is using me in some way, shape, or form, but I don't know how. I mean, my girls' group is dwindling, my friends here at home seem to have lost interest in talking with me...I suppose we've just grown apart or something, I work in a factory...I feel...hopeless...I feel like giving up...like ending the girls' group and just trying to survive the summer until I can go back to Brookings...but then again, what's waiting for me there? Don't get me wrong, I really do love Pella, I really do love my friends, but...I don't feel like I belong here anymore...I think that's what's bugging me more than anything else. I was reading Real Sex today (a fantastic book, by the way) It talked a lot about household and community. It got me thinking...I mean, it talked about a household as a place where people not ony live together, but are united in mission. It talked about how, as Christians, we live in community. We live in communion with our spouse, our neighborhood, our church, our town. We belong to a community of believers. That's supposed to mean that we care about what's going on in each other's lives because...we're in it together. We share in the day-to-day matters of each other's lives, forming bonds, enjoying each other's company as we do the little things like grocery shopping and running to the post office. We're able to be with each other in the small things, which enables us to be there for each other through the big things. Our sense of community allows us to lovingly correct each other, advise each other, and direct each other back toward God and His plans for our lives. I would love to live in a community -- a community of people who would see me struggling and reach out -- who would enjoy my company while running errends. As I thought on it more, I realized that I do have some friends that do care about me like that -- people who will lovingly correct me when I'm being dumb...or will express concern...but it seems all those people are back at school, not here in Pella...

I don't know that I fit in here anymore...I feel like a visitor, not a part of the community, not like a member of my circle of friends...We've become very different...and it's really hard on me...it's making this summer hard on me...it makes me feel very alone because as I try to learn and grow in my faith, as I seek to serve the Lord, no one's there to encourage...or to assist...it makes me feel...alone...and uninteresting...it's a hard time to be alone...but I suppose there's a reason...I suppose it'll help me grow...I mean, I keep saying that I'm happy to be single, content, that it's bringing opportunities...and it's true...there are more opportunities...and I don't really want a boyfriend or anything...I just...want to belong...somewhere..I want to live in community with someone sometime...I'd love to belong to a church that would care about me like that...as a community...of believers...that'd be intensely awesome...

I suppose that's it for today's ramblings...I have a parade to catch.

Facing demons...or...Rollerblading with my eyes shut

Ok, how Rocky and Bullwinkle is that title?!?! Whoa. Seriously though, I just got back from rollerblading...for an hour and a half...it was fantastic...even though it really was a journey that involved facing demons of the past and picking at scabs on my heart...But much healing was done. I rollerbladed to the places that I haunted when I was dating Bryce, places I've been avoiding for nearly two years, places that were too full of memories for me to stand a few months ago...but I survived...I did more than survive. We triumphed. Yeah, that's right, God and I triumphed. God can do all things, you know, and as Deuteronomy 20:4 says, "For the LORD your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you."

That's King James speak for "God will lead you into battle. He will vanquish your enemies so that He might save you from them." Why would He do that? Because He loves us. He's been working on healing my heart and vanquishing the demons that lingered after that breakup ever since the break up occured -- long before I got up the nerve to face those demons. I was like the lone gunsman who walked in the wake of the blitzkrieg. The work had already been done, everything was leveled. If there happened to be an enemy waiting for me, he was probably so badly wounded and shaken up that I could easily handle him.

I mean, I revisited those places, allowed myself to think about the memories, and then released them to Christ. I was astonished to find how easy and painless it was...I hadn't realized that God had healed me so thoroughly, that He'd strengthened me that much.

It made me think about Isaiah 30:15 "For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not." Returning to God, leaving behind the past, and resting in His mercy will save us. Quietly following the Lord and remaining confident in His promises will give us strength. However, we usually fail to do any of that, and if we do it...it doesn't usually last long.

Yet, if even for tonight, I am content...I am at peace...I feel restored...I feel...more pure...I feel forgiven...I feel loved...Doubts may creep in tomorrow, but I pray that they don't. I like being here...next to my God. I feel...as if I actually have faith...something I've struggled with...for as long as I can remember...true faith...Hebrews 11:1 faith: "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Faith that God knows the desires of my heart and will bless me beyond my wildest dreams. Faith that God always has my best interest in mind. Faith that God has been working in me and through me, though I don't know how or when...and that He'll continue to do so...in ways I can't even imagine.

For those of you more lyrically oriented, here's the soundtrack for this experience -- "Let it All Out" Relient K:
Let it all out
get it all out
rip it out remove it
don't be alarmed
when the wound begins to bleed
cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need

and today I will trust you with confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency

and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Rememberthe end will justify the pain it took to get us there

and I'll let it be known
at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength

and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in methere is strength

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me

reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you
for youand I know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light

_____________________________
P.S. - My alternate title refers to the fact that I rollerbladed down a hill with my eyes shut...which is a huge leap of faith for me...because I've always been afraid of rollerblading downhill.

True Beauty

1 Peter 3:3-4 " 3Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."

Okay...so, in other words, beauty comes from the inside...it's from a meek (gentle) and quiet spirit...

Quiet: Zephaniah 3:17 "17 The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Beauty is calm...and a woman's spirit is able to beautiful and calm when she knows she is loved...God's love exemplifies love...meaning His love can quiet her like none other.

What covers our beauty? Fear.

1 Peter 3:6 "6Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement."

God will save us from our fears...He will love away our scars...He will cultivate our beauty.

Isaiah 30:15 "For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not."

Well, I think that's all I have to say...for now. ;)

Snap

Jonah 1:1-17

" 1Now the word of the LORD came unto Jonah the son of Amittai, saying,
2Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry against it; for their wickedness is come up before me.
3But Jonah rose up to flee unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD, and went down to Joppa; and he found a ship going to Tarshish: so he paid the fare thereof, and went down into it, to go with them unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD.
4But the LORD sent out a great wind into the sea, and there was a mighty tempest in the sea, so that the ship was like to be broken.
5Then the mariners were afraid, and cried every man unto his god, and cast forth the wares that were in the ship into the sea, to lighten it of them. But Jonah was gone down into the sides of the ship; and he lay, and was fast asleep.
6So the shipmaster came to him, and said unto him, What meanest thou, O sleeper? arise, call upon thy God, if so be that God will think upon us, that we perish not.
7And they said every one to his fellow, Come, and let us cast lots, that we may know for whose cause this evil is upon us. So they cast lots, and the lot fell upon Jonah.
8Then said they unto him, Tell us, we pray thee, for whose cause this evil is upon us; What is thine occupation? and whence comest thou? what is thy country? and of what people art thou?
9And he said unto them, I am an Hebrew; and I fear the LORD, the God of heaven, which hath made the sea and the dry land.
10Then were the men exceedingly afraid, and said unto him. Why hast thou done this? For the men knew that he fled from the presence of the LORD, because he had told them.
11Then said they unto him, What shall we do unto thee, that the sea may be calm unto us? for the sea wrought, and was tempestuous.
12And he said unto them, Take me up, and cast me forth into the sea; so shall the sea be calm unto you: for I know that for my sake this great tempest is upon you.
13Nevertheless the men rowed hard to bring it to the land; but they could not: for the sea wrought, and was tempestuous against them.
14Wherefore they cried unto the LORD, and said, We beseech thee, O LORD, we beseech thee, let us not perish for this man's life, and lay not upon us innocent blood: for thou, O LORD, hast done as it pleased thee.
15So they took up Jonah, and cast him forth into the sea: and the sea ceased from her raging.
16Then the men feared the LORD exceedingly, and offered a sacrifice unto the LORD, and made vows.
17Now the LORD had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights."

Leave it to your devotional to pin you. God always gets through. So, brief synopsis of the passage: Jonah knew what God wanted him to do and he ran in the opposite direction. His attempt to escape God put the lives of the sailors in danger and caused them to lose all of their cargo. Jonah, could not escape God. Now, as we all know, Jonah's a terribly stubborn man and even after he gets to dry land, he will try to resist God. He obviously has a trust problem. I mean, he can't seem to believe that God would have his best interest in mind.

We are such Jonahs...How often have you found that as God tugs on your heartstrings to beckon you down one path, you run at breakneck speed in the other direction? Is it because we think we know better? I sure hope not because God is the God of all creation...He is the One who created us in the first place. Is it because we don't think that His way will make us happy? Again, I hope not because God has only ever desired to give us good things...He seeks to bless us and to care for us because He is our Father. It seems the only explanation is that we don't trust God. We don't trust ourselves to have truly heard His call. We don't trust that God's pull will work for us in the long run. How ridiculous is that?!?!

So, I guess, what we need to do is be open...be open to God's call and be ready to go...ready to go and do what God is calling us to do.

Lyrics of the day? Steven Curtis Chapman's "For the Sake of the Call"

Nobody stood and applauded them
So they knew from the start
This road would not lead to fame
All they really knew for sure was Jesus had called to them
He said "Come follow me" and they came
With reckless abandon they came

Empty nets lying there at the waters edge
Told a story that few could believe and none could explain
How some crazy fishermen agreed to go where Jesus lead
With no thought for what they would gain
For Jesus had called them by name and they answered

CHORUS
We will abandon it all for the sake of the call
No other reason at all but the sake of the call
Wholly devoted to live and to die
For the sake of the call

Drawn like the rivers are drawn to the sea
No turning back for the water cannot help but flow
Once we hear the Savior's call we'll follow wherever he leads
Because of the love He has shown
And because he has called us to go we will answer

We will abandon it all for the sake of the call
No other reason at all but the sake of the call
Wholly devoted to live and to die

BRIDGE

Not for the sake of a creed or a cause
Not for a dream or a promise
Simply because it is Jesus who calls
And if we believe we'll obey

CHORUS

Music of Life

Amos 5:23-24 "23 Take away from Me the noise of your songs, For I will not hear the melody of your stringed instruments."

This was the text for my devotions last night....it got me thinking...because I do LOVE music. How disturbing is it to think of God calling our songs noise? D0 we not seek to please God with our singing and our music? So, why would God ever despise it? Well, this little snippet comes from one of those many times where God is disappointed with Israel. Israel is living as a band of hypocrites, paying the Lord lip service each day so that all will see how devout they are, but they refuse to turn their hearts and lives over to the Lord. They're putting on a show...a show of righteousness and godliness. So, even though their songs may be perfectly harmonized and pleasing to the human ear, though they may dance and sway as they praise as if infatuated with praising God, God can not be deceived. As He reminds us in 1 Samuel 16:7, He looks at a person's heart...not on the outward appearance.

It reminds me of Galations 1:1o "For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ."

This raises a question for each of us...are we praising God with our lives? Or are we just performing? Our lives are meant to be praise...our lives are music...but who are we singing to? Are we singing just to hear ourselves sing? Are we singing to impress others with our talent? Or are we singing to God and God alone...a sweet love song of praise? Everyday should be lived out as a song of praise. That's why this doesn't just apply to those of us in the praise band, or the cantors, or the choir...it's everyone...even if you can't sing. God knows our hearts...what is He seeing in yours?

Let's make our lives a chorus of praise only for God. It'll be a challenge each day, but if you focus your eyes on God, He'll see you through.

I'll just leave you with some lyrics to meditate on...these are by Laurie Klein...the song: I love you Lord.

I Love You LordWords & Music by Laurie Klein

I love you, Lord
And I lift my voice
To worship You Oh, my soul rejoice!

Take joy my KingIn what You hear
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear

I love you, Lord...

Where's the road end?

RASCAL FLATTS LYRICS

"Bless The Broken Road"
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms

This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

So, for the past few weeks...months...or so, that song totally made me bawl my eyes out. I had always associated it with men...especially with my last boyfriend...or rather, I'd always associated it with "the one" and had hoped that I would be able to say that I was with him and that the lonesome part of my journey was over...However, I was deceiving myself. My lover is Christ. The one that I was traveling towards for 17 years was Christ. It is true that I may one day get married, and I will wish that I could give that man all the years I spent chasing after other men instead of patiently waiting for him, but that feeling will be so much like the way I feel toward Christ right now except on a human scale...you know...smaller than God, that it would be safe to say that Christ is the subject of this song. I wish I could give God all the years I wasted chasing after things that could never truly make me happy. Luckily, He just smiles because He understands that it's all part of a grander plan that is coming true. ;) I love Him so!

Men as Leaders

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about how all of us are role models to young people whether we want to be or not. Because we are older than them, they look up to us, they watch what we do, and they want to be just like us. It's the same for each of us, whether we are "good" or "bad", no matter how immoral or godly we are, we will continue to be role models. We can't change it. We instead need to work to be aware of that fact as we make decisions and go about our daily lives. They're watching every move we make, and if we don't want those kids to be lead astray, we should live our lives in such a way as to show them how to walk down the straight and narrow.

It occurred to me last night that there's a similar truth for men. Men are leaders. They were created to be leaders. Men are called and created to lead the women in their lives, and that's exactly what they do. Men lead.

It doesn't matter whether a man is good and godly or abusive and aggressive or weak and passive. It doesn't matter if he's trapped by lust or finds himself addicted. He can be in love with God or in love with himself. He can be giving or selfish, trustworthy or manipulative, a rebel without a cause or a man living to the glory of God -- he's still a leader. All those qualities, all the things he cares about, those don't decide whether or not he IS a leader, they decide which direction he's leading in.

Dancing is one of my favorite metaphors for relational life. When we dance, the man is supposed to be leading, and the girl usually lets him. However, sometimes, it's painful and trying for her because the man can't find the beat. He's hopelessly off and is dancing with two left feet, yet she tries to follow...for both of their sakes.

That's how I've seen so many relationships, including many of my own go, the man is leading the woman down the wrong path. It's not that he can't lead her...he just isn't going the way she wants to go, or knows she shoud go. I've seen too many women get trapped in abusive relationships, lose too much of their innocence, get too wrapped up in lust and worldly passion, lose sight of godly things because their man has lead them into that situation. I know that many people will say that that woman should have been strong enough to resist, strong enough to say no, strong enough to get out...it's not about strength...Women are caring and have a fear of abandonment. The two together so often seals our fate. A woman will "stand by her man" because she loves him...because she knows he can change...because she hopes to help him change...because she doesn't think she'll find anyone else...or anyone better. So she sticks with him through thick and thin...all the while traveling farther and farther away from God and the kind of life He intended for her to live. Maybe the fact that she's lost isn't as obvious as abuse, but it very well could be there...perhaps it's manifested itself as stagnation...a lack of growth.

Regardless of how it happens or exactly what it looks like, if two people are going to journey together down the path of life, God will have set them to go in the same direction. He doesn't want men leading His daughters away from Him. He loves us too much for that.

So, to the women: You'll know when a relationship isn't right...when he isn't the one...when it's not the right time...pray to God for the courage and strength to end it. Remember that Jesus is the lover of your soul. He will never leave you nor foresake you. He loves you better than any man ever could, and if you trust Him enough to give up those relationships that hinder your spiritual growth and well-being, He'll give you something much, much better.

And to the men: You need to be aware of the fact that you are a leader. You are leading the women in your life, even the ones that you are not dating or courting or engaged to or married to, you influence their lives with your leadership. So, where are you leading them? In the same way that young people watch every aspect of our lives and attempt to model themselves after us, women are watching you. They are taking note of what you value, of the way you spend your time, of what you care about, of the way you act towards women...and they are using what they see to shape themselves. So, what are your actions and words saying to them? Are you leading them to live a godly life? Are you using your strength and power for their good? Or are you abusing your God-given gifts to hurt them and leave them wounded and lost? I pray that God will work in your lives. I pray that He will give you the courage and strength to turn to Him and allow Him to mold you and lead you so that you may be a godly man...a man worthy of a daughter of the King...a man that will not try to snatch one of these women away from her Father.

(As a note: Yes, I realize that God's your father, too. He loves you as well, but I didn't have the time to truly explain what that brings into the equation...perhaps another day.)

Wild Man

An excerpt from my Devotional:

"When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an evil spirit came from the tombs to meet Him. This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him any more, not even with a chain. For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones" (Mark 5:2-5).

Then Jesus healed him and sent the demons into a nearby herd of pigs."When [the townspeople] came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid" (Mark 5:15)."

As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with Him. Jesus did not let him, but said, 'Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.' So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed" (Mark 5:18-20).

One interaction with the God of the universe completely changed a wild man. Unable to alter his condition on his own, the miraculous intervention of Jesus transformed a tormented man into a man full of peace and clarity of mind. Understandably, that man wanted nothing more than to go with Jesus.

Yet Jesus told him instead to tell others about God's work in his life.

My comments:

I think there's a lot that can be taken from this. For one, the man was possessed by a number of demons. They consumed his life and neither he nor those around him could fix the problem. Only Jesus could do that. Jesus is able to free us from all of our demons and all of our sins and all of our temptations. We can't. Also, God asked this man to spread the word so that others might know of Jesus' power. He was called to not merely move on with his life, but use his past as a means by which to share the truth, and even more amazingly, share the truth with his family, friends and neighbors.

Something to think about.

Captive vs. Captivating

5 Their mother has been unfaithful and has conceived them in disgrace. She said, 'I will go after my lovers, who give me my food and my water, my wool and my linen, my oil and my drink.'
6 Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
7 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.'
8 She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold— which they used for Baal.
9 "Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens, and my new wine when it is ready. I will take back my wool and my linen, intended to cover her nakedness.
10 So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no one will take her out of my hands.
11 I will stop all her celebrations: her yearly festivals, her New Moons, her Sabbath days—all her appointed feasts.
12 I will ruin her vines and her fig trees, which she said were her pay from her lovers; I will make them a thicket, and wild animals will devour them.
13 I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals; she decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot," declares the LORD.
14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.
15 There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor [a] a door of hope. There she will sing [b] as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
16 "In that day," declares the LORD, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master. [c] '
17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked.
18 In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air and the creatures that move along the ground. Bow and sword and battle I will abolish from the land, so that all may lie down in safety.
19 I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in [d] righteousness and justice, in [e] love and compassion.
20 I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD.
21 "In that day I will respond," declares the LORD— "I will respond to the skies, and they will respond to the earth;
22 and the earth will respond to the grain, the new wine and oil, and they will respond to Jezreel. [f]
23 I will plant her for myself in the land; I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one. [g] ' I will say to those called 'Not my people, [h] ' 'You are my people'; and they will say, 'You are my God.' "

Hosea 2:5-23

Look at how much God loves us! Our God is a jealous God because the Lord is our Husband. This really struck me, today. I was reading out of Captivating, today, and it cited Hosea 2. I wasn't familiar with the chapter, and as I read it, I was blown away!

I mean, the language used! God truly loves us! He's the lover of our souls and wants to give us good things, but we...I...look to other sources of pleasure, of happiness, of validation, of nourishment. God knows that we need Him...He loves us enough to thwart us in our attempts to run away, to try to humble us so that we might return to Him. I can't get over His intense love...the way He treasures me...the way He provides for me, cares for me, protects me, comforts me...He truly is all I need...I feel so foolish for trying to satisfy myself through other means.

It makes me think of this song, and since I have to go to bed, now...I won't be able to fully explain myself, but here are the lyrics:

Lord, You know how much

I want to know so much

In the way of answers and explanations

I have cried and prayed

And still I seem to stay

In the middle of life’s complications

All this pursuing leaves me feeling like I’m chasing down the wind

But now it’s brought me back to You

And I can see again

This is everything I want

This is everything I need

I want this to be my one consuming passion

Everything my heart desiresLord, I want it all to be for You, Jesus

Be my magnificent obsessionSo capture my heart againTake me to depths I’ve never been

Into the riches of Your grace and Your mercy

Return me to the cross

And let me be completely lost

In the wonder of the love

That You’ve shown me

Cut through these chains that tie me down to so many lesser things

Let all my dreams fall to the ground

Until this one remains

You are everything I want

And You are everything I need

Lord, You are all my heart desires

You are everything to me

You are everything I want

You are everything I need

I want You to be my one consuming passion

Everything my heart desiresLord, I want it all to be for You

I want it all to be for You

faithmouse: Die Wahrheit Macht Frei, In Progress

faithmouse: Die Wahrheit Macht Frei, In Progress

I am a princess, dern it

When did princess start to be a derogatory term? I mean, when did it become in an insult to hear someone say, "as you wish, Princess"? I mean, I feel truly embarassed when someone calls me princess. I feel like they're trying to tell me that I'm selfish or vain or stuck up. When did that become the definition of a princess? I used to dream of being a princess. I wanted to be beautiful. I wanted to wear a gorgeous dress and take care of business. I wanted to be admired and cared for and protected. I wanted to be special.

I don't think it's wrong for me or any girl to want to be a princess...or to want to be treated like a princess. I mean, each one of us is a princess. We are daughters of the King of kings. We are special and beautiful and precious. We should be permitted to feel special and protected and cared for. I don't think that's asking too much. I think that's exactly what is meant for us, and it breaks my heart to think that anyone would tell a woman that it's wrong for her to feel like a princess.

I almost cried at work today as I thought about all the girls I've been working with in The Sisterhood. This past Sunday, we were talking about how God made us beautiful and for a purpose. I heard the wounds the girls have suffered by the standards set by society...the way they think they have to look and be to truly be beautiful, to have guys think they're beautiful. It broke my heart because I could relate. I mean, guys are infatuated with supermodels and actresses and porn, creating another set of standards that the women in their lives can't attain. Knowing that men are so enthralled by those women, so obsessed with them, makes women feel inadequate and insecure. A part of us wants to pursue the standards for a Christian woman, but it's hard to meet those standards, and it's easy to doubt that they'll land you a man. So, women end up feeling torn, not knowing which to pursue...those who choose to pursue a Christian life wonder if they'll ever be good enough for their future husbands. We can't all have tiny waists and huge breasts. Not all of us are going to be practicing so that we'll be fantastic in bed. In short, we won't all look like models, and we won't all be able to perform like porn stars...some of us are...normal...and trying to live a life of purity...it can be frustrating and dismaying. The world tells us that we can't expect to find a man who isn't obsessed with porn...which means that we will marry men who will be able to compare our bodies and performance to "professionals". To be honest, it makes me sick. We shouldn't have to settle for that.

That's the thing. I'm so afraid that these girls...and I suppose myself....will have to settle. I'm afraid that these girls will learn to love God and wish to pursue purity only to find that their husbands didn't do the same. I'm afraid that these girls won't find real men. I'm afraid they'll find men pretending to be good and godly. I'm afraid they won't find men that will love them as Christ loves them...unconditionally. I'm afraid they won't find men who will be truly captivated by their beauty and treat them as the precious treasures they are. I'm afraid they won't find men who will want to protect them. I'm afraid they'll go out into the world only to find men who use their strength to harm them...who use their size to intimidate...who use their power to control them...who will make the girls earn love...I pray that that won't be the case. I pray that somewhere in the world, God is helping young men to grow up into real men...men of integrity...men of faith...men who get their strength from God...men who will love and cherish their wives and be amazed by the blessings their wives are...I want these girls to find men that are better than they could have dreamed of. I pray that God is preparing real men to be there for these amazing young ladies. (I suppose I pray that God is preparing one for me, too...but there's no rush on that ;) )

I do have faith, though. I have faith that God will fufill the desires of our hearts. I have faith that God is working all things for our good. I have faith that God has a magnificent plan for each of us. I have faith that God has good things in store for each of us. I have faith that it'll all be okay. And I KNOW that God is more than enough...He's better than any man...He's the lover of our souls...and...no matter what happens...whether I get married...or whether I find myself called to be an old maid, life will be good because God is in control.

Clay Crosse Speaks Out on Lust and Pornography

PORNO - BRUTHAZ GRIMM

What to do about abortion

Abortion is a flippin' atrocity that plagues our culture, and something needs to be done. I found this site, today http://www.stopmyabortion.blogspot.com/ , and it made me sick. It made me sick for a number of reasons...I despise how casually this woman can talk about killing her baby. I despise the series of events that led up to her pregnancy. I despise that she's doing drugs and drinking while she's pregnant. I despise that she thinks all pro-lifers are hypocrites for not giving her money. But I love her. I hate that many pro-lifers fit this woman's stereotype. So many spend their time hating women who have aborted or preaching to them...yelling, calling names, lecturing. To quote Black Eyed Peas, where's the love? Jesus called on us to love the sinner and hate the sin. We should hate abortion it's a ridiculously selfish sin condoned by our society. Who doesn't hate murder? But this woman...is a woman. Yes, she's a druggie. Yes, she's a boozer. Yes, she sleeps around. Yes, she's planning on aborting. But she is a woman...she is a part of God's creation...she is beautiful...she is someone who needs love. She needs support. She needs prayer. Having beliefs is a great idea. Another song quote, "You gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything." But what good our your beliefs if their just a string of words you spew at anyone who asks for them? Beliefs should have actions...our ideals should have feet...and hands. Touch communicates much more than words can. So, if you want to change the world, if you want to show someone the truth, reach out to them...touch their lives. There are so many ways to do it...but it starts with simple love...it starts with expressing our beliefs with love, patience, and grace...Donating money helps people and touches lives, but so does donating goods, services and time. And last but not least, prayer is a huge help. Praying for those who disagree with you is a great way to touch their lives...to help Christ to touch their hearts...Don't underestimate prayer. God is doing great things through each of us...and we can all contribute to stopping abortion, to growing the Church, etc. We can serve as role models to young people, we can use our words to educate others, we can act lovingly toward those we meet, we can donate, we can volunteer, we can pray, we can write letters, we can encourage, we can move mountains. Just have a little faith and be ready and willing to respond to God's call.

Grace and peace to each of you.

Hey, everyone, come see how good I look!

I don't know that I look any better than I did before...as in...well...any time before today...but I do feel good. I feel..beautiful. I feel captivating. I feel feminine and magnificent. I think the times I've felt prettiest in my life have been the times that I've been single. Relationships don't make me feel pretty...they make me feel insecure...nervous...inadequate. I mean, I always feel like I'm a disappointment to whoever I'm in a relationship with. I feel like he could find someone more attractive or more fashionable or more fabulous. I worry that he will suddenly see me as plain. I worry that he'll become dissatisfied with my taste in clothing or something. I worry that he'll see the way I'm changing and will despise it. I constantly worry. I felt like some trophy in every relationship I was in, and if I were to become less attractive, he would become less interested because he couldn't show me off. I was some shiny toy he could show off to his friends. Yet, even though he was showing me off, I felt...dull...

I'm happier, now, though. I'm single, again. I can focus on my relationship with God, again. God and I are tight, and that's why I feel gorgeous because He always thinks I'm beautiful. He always finds me captivating. He allows me to be beautiful in my own way...to be beautiful Takara...not just a beautiful woman.

I really want to marry a man who can love me like that, or at least be close...I know that no man can be as good as God.

I figure I'll know that he's the one when I truly feel beautiful around him, when I am able to be my beautiful self around him, when my view of my beauty is not tainted by anxieties...because I don't have any.

Until then, though, just know that I feel pretty. ;)

I am Not a Prude

I am not against sex, okay? I don't hate the naked human body. I don't hate men. I don't hate relationships. I don't hate marriage.

What I hate is how people cheapen those gifts from God. What I hate is how sex, in our culture, is treated so casually, so jokingly. Sex is used as a tool or a weapon...it is neither. The human body is beautiful because it is God's creation. The naked form is not meant to be used to fuel lust and immature fantasies. It was not created so that we would drool over the opposite sex, constantly compare, or to encourage us to sleep around. Yes, we are meant to marvel at the beauty we see in the opposite sex, but not in the way our society encourages us to. Men are to "rejoice in the wife of their youth", they are to find joy in her beauty...even her physical beauty...got that...their wives! Similarly, women are supposed to marvel at their husbands, to find them handsome and attractive...their husbands! Their is a certain amount of intimacy and marveling that should be reserved for marriage. That's why sex was created for marriage! Sex was created to be fun and exctiting and intimate and wonderful. God wanted us to enjoy our spouses, to enjoy being near them, to allow us to experience oneness with each other, and to enjoy the process of making babies. Our society has marred sex beyond recognition, though. Sex for sex's sake will never satisfy an aching heart. It will never make you happy. It will never meet your need for intimacy. It will never be enough. It will only leave you broken and starving...starving for more...more intimacy...more love...

So, what about having all this in the context of a "serious relationship"? NO. It saddens me that young women have been led to believe that if you've been dating a guy "long enough" it's okay to have sex with him. I hate the, "we plan on getting married anyway". What's the point then? If you're going to get married, then you (are supposed to) have the rest of your lives. What's the rush?

Why cheat yourself and your future spouse? I mean, think about it. If you sleep around, then when you do get married, the memories of those past partners will be in your marriage bed with you. Your spouse will know that you are able to compare him/her to all your past partners, creating anxiety. Your spouse will have to know that there are x number of other people who know what the love of his/her life looks like naked, how the love of his/her life is in bed...Your spouse will have to share you in a way they were never supposed to...against their will...because of your will...You are a gift...you're supposed to be a gift to your spouse...why would you cheat them out of that by giving yourself to countless other people first...What does that say about your love for them?

I love marriage. That's why I think so highly of all the blessings that go along with it.

I don't know that this went in any particular direction, but...I feel my rant has ended...

Marriage...and our Lord

Ok. I'm not married nor am I getting married soon, but as I've been reading Captivating, I've been thinking about what it means to have Christ be my true love, my first love, my perfect love. I've been thinking about what my heart desires and how that desire/need is met. I want to be pursued...I want someone to find me intriguing...to see my mind as uncharted waters they can't wait to explore. I want them to view my soul as the Louisiana Purchase, something they have some sort of stake in, though they don't know what all it contains. I got this in my e-mail devotional, today, and at first I hated reading it because I don't want to read things that make me doubt my single status or that eat away at my faith in God's plan, but then I realized that this post wasn't just about the way a husband and wife should act. It's about how we should be with our Lord. We don't know God, and we should be eager to learn all about Him, though we can never even dream of understanding. We should take pleasure in pursuing our Lord with our whole hearts, growing in our love for Him. When we're in a healthy relationship with God, I believe we will be able to have healthy relationships with each other. Our love for God will spill over into our relationships and shape our marriages. It will be amazing. Check out Isaiah 54. It's pretty tight.

And here's my e-mail devotional from today:

"Behold, I am coming soon!" (Revelation 22:12)

Lisa and I went to see the movie "Seabiscuit" with Rob and Jill, two of our closest friends. At the start of the movie, I sat by Rob and Lisa sat by Jill, so that Lisa and Jill could share some unbuttered popcorn and Rob and I could assault our arteries with the buttered kind. But halfway through the movie, Lisa had to get up for a moment, and Rob slipped over to sit by his wife.

There was something wonderfully refreshing in seeing a man who has been married for eighteen years still eager to sit by his wife for the last hour of a movie. That simple movement said a great deal about Rob and Jill's marriage, and it personifies a biblical truth.

I heard of one wedding in which the bridegroom actually walked down the aisle instead of the bride, in order to capture the biblical picture of Christ -- the bridegroom -- going to his bride, the church. As Christ pursues the church, so the husband is to pursue his wife. (Note to future husbands: it's rare the woman indeed who would even consider giving up that famous walk down the aisle; I wouldn't recommend trying this at home!)

Marriage is more than a commitment; it is a movement toward someone. Husbands, are you still moving toward your wife? Or have you settled in, assuming you know her as well as she can be known, and thus turning your sights to other discoveries and challenges? Even worse, are you violating your vows with the "silent treatment" or a refusal to communicate?

Wives, are you moving toward your husband? Are you still pursuing him, seeking to get to know him, trying to draw closer to him? Have you considered new ways to please and pleasure him, or have you become stagnant in judgment, falling back to see if he'll come after you?

Jesus moves towards us even in our sin; will we move toward our spouses even in theirs?

Movement is about more than communication; it's about the force of our wills. Are we choosing to pursue greater intimacy in our relationship? Do we seek to resolve conflict, or do we push it aside, assuming "it's not worth the hassle" while letting our love grow colder? Are we still trying to understand our spouses' worlds -- their temptations and trials, their frustrations and challenges -- or are we too consumed with our own? Are we praying for our spouses, encouraging them to grow in grace and holiness, or are we tearing them down behind their backs, gossiping about them so everyone will feel sorry for how difficult we have it?

Honestly ask yourself, "Do I know my spouse any better today than I did three years ago?" If not, maybe you've stopped moving toward your spouse. And if you've stopped moving toward your spouse, you've stopped being married in the fully biblical sense of the word.

This week, why not launch yourself on a new exploration -- your spouse? Why not see what new things you can learn -- how you can grow even closer to each other, how you can give up a little more independence and embrace a little more interdependence? Why not make a renewed attempt to study your spouse every bit as much as a biology student studies the movement of cells under a microscope or a seminary student pores over thick reference books late into the night?

So many people say the "excitement" has left their marriage. Well, exploration is one of the most exciting journeys known to humankind. Most of the globe has been mapped, many times over -- but that person who wears your ring? There are still secrets yet unknown and yet to be explored on that side of the bed.

So get busy!

I think Something Needs to be Done

Something needs to be done to strengthen the body of Christ. Something needs to be done to help Christians in America underestand the personal relationship they have with Christ. Something needs to be done so that young men won't disappear from the church as soon as they get confirmed. Something needs to be done so that young people won't feel like being confirmed is some obligation that they have, something they do because it is required of them, something they do to please their parents. Something needs to be done so they can realize that coming together at church for worship or Sunday school or Bible study is a remarkable blessing and privelage. They need to be lit on fire! Something needs to be done to bring young people together as a family in Christ so that they feel connected to the larger group and know that they're loved. Something needs to be done so that the church in America would stop shrinking as the church grows overseas. The Gospel has yet to be declared to all the nations, but gains are being made. But we're losing ground in the United States, which saddens me deeply. Something needs to be done. I have ideas, but I don't know if I'm the one to execute them. I just pray that God would lead someone to minister to these young people. I pray that God's will is the something that is done.

Under attack...good thing I have friends

*sigh* There's so much on my mind, again...probably because in my 10 hours on the assembly I have a lot of time to think. I'm excited and scared about the girls' group this summer. I mean, the opportunity is exciting and things are falling into place, which is typically a sign that I am pursuing God's will and not just some whim of my own, but I'm so anxious...I mean, do you believe in spiritual warfare? Not everyone does, but I do, especially right now. It seems whenever I get going on something having to do with the girls' group, whenever I'm getting stuff together for the retreat or for our first meeting, I'm suddenly hit with fear and doubts and insecurities. Like when I was mailing out invitations to all the girls at church, I was so afraid because some of those girls I didn't know and some of them, I don't expect to come, and some came last year but I don't know if they'll be disappointed to see my name on the letter. I mean, who wants to spend the summer with me? Who really wants to spend time talking with me about what it means to be a girl of God? I don't have any of the answers, I know that. God is the only one who can answer the questions because it's perfectly clear that I am not a godly woman....yet? The dumb part is the fact that as I prepare to talk to these girls about how they are beautiful, how they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139), I'm hit with concerns about my recent weight gain, with the fact that I now way as much as I did my freshman year of high school, before I was all anorexic...I finally gained the weight back, and it scares me a bit...I wasn't happy when I was here before, but choosing to work my butt off to lose all that weight never made me happy either...So clearly, it's not an issue of weight, it's an issue of how I look at myself in the mirror. The solution is not to work out for hours and count calories, it's to work on my insides so I can look at myself in the mirror, no matter how bit I am, and tell myself that I truly am beautiful. I guess I'm scared and unsure about the girls' group ministry this summer. I mean, I feel called to be doing it, I have a vision for where to take it, but...I feel so...doubted...I doubt my abilities, and it seems that some of the people around me doubt my abilities, my motives, my decision to spend my money on it...I just...need to pray, I guess. I would appreciate your prayers as well. It'd help a lot...it'd also help if there was someone else who cared to hear my plans, someone who could be excited with me and share in my passion and my vision...but I'm not alone...God is with me, and He shares my passion and vision for these young ladies because He loves them, too. So, by God's grace and with His strength, I'll press on.

(Sidenote: I want to thank the anonymous blogger who has been posting...you've encouraged me on a number of days, now...that means a lot to me.)

residual thoughts

I was thinking, today...surprising, I know. :P

Seriously, though, I was thinking about love. *sigh* Yes, my friend, I said it...love. I was thinking about how magnificent God's love for me is, and how thankful I am for that love. God is truly the lover of my soul. He's all I need. How flippin' awesome is that? I mean, just as I was despairing about what it means to be single...to have passed up on opportunities...to be risking abandonment...a life of singleness...loneliness...anyway, just as I was pondering such thoughts and feelings, I was overwhelmed by God's love for me. I was struck by His beauty, His care, His kindness...He is the lover of my heart and soul. He's better than any man.

Then I realized that my husband would love me like God does. He will love me as Christ loves me...or as nearly as he can. No, he won't be perfect, nor will his love be perfect, but he'll use Christ as a model. He'll find me captivating...and beautiful...he'll love my mind...my heart...my soul...and my body. It'll be amazing...don't get me wrong, though. I'm not in a hurry. I have God. I'll always have God, and that's more than enough for me.

a thank you

I really want to thank whoever posted the anonymous comment on my blog yesterday.

Today, I found myself pondering God's thoughts towards me, His daughter. I was thinking about the times when I feel gorgeous. It seems the times I feel the best about myself, the times I look the best, the times I am at my most witty, the times when I'm passionately absorbed in something, the times that I sing the best, the times that I am funny and charming...are all times that I am alone.

I don't know if anyone notices me during the times when I feel like a true beauty, when I feel like I'm spinning in circles in a twirly skirt...on the inside. It kind of makes me sad. I mean, yeah, I want someone who loves me when I'm far from being at my finest, but I also wish someone would notice me when I feel gorgeous and share in my joy...share in my beauty.

Anyway, I realize that it's silly to have expectations like that about a man...friend or otherwise...And I started to think about what God thought of me. I wondered if He smiled at the times when I feel gorgeous and feel like dancing, if He liked the songs I sing in the shower, if He chuckles when I fall asleep talking to Him in McRory Gardens...I just...I wondered if He really did love me like that.

That's when I read that comment...that anonymous comment that said that God was captivated by me...it made me blush. I mean, it's me. God is the one who is captivating and amazing...the thought of Him loving me like that...makes me want to cry. It does go along with Isaiah 54:5, though...God being a husband...God is everything because He is that amazing.

Who am I? Can I be beautiful too?

It's true. Everything I've been reading in Captivating is true. I do want romance; I want to be pursued. I want to be an important and necessary part of an adventure; I long to be needed. I want to be beautiful....

When I was little, I wanted people to be fascinated by me...to think I was special and worth their time. I was a charmer and an entertainer...I sang and told jokes...I danced and smiled.

I grew up. I don't know when it was that I started to realize that I was different...when I started to realize that not everyone wanted to see what I could do...that not everyone cares about Takara.

Maybe it was middle school. I kept trying to find ways to make me stand out. Labels that would set me apart as special and interesting and amazing. I was the "tall one"...I tried to be an athlete. I was a musician for a while...a bassoonist. I was the smart one. Nothing worked. Maybe that's why I was anorexic; I don't even quite know why I was, anymore. It hasn't mattered.

The real point is the fact that I'm almost grown up, now. I don't get to hide behind accomplishments and hobbies. I can't use them to make myself seem more important...I'm too old for that...I've tried to cope a bajillion different ways. I've managed to be both the timid girl that hides behind busyness to avoid letting people see her as well as the controlling girl who tries not to need anyone...yeah, I'm not very good at not needing people, but the fact of the matter is that I actually am broken...or fallen. I'm not the kind of woman I was made to be, and it kind of kills me inside. It scares me. Even though I'm reading a book that talks about how every woman is beautiful, though they typically have their doubts about it, I feel like it's true for everyone but me. Example: I was reading out at the dam, today...I sat in a tree and read a chapter before walking back to my car. As I walked, I thought about how there were too many people around. I wondered if they were looking at me. A part of me hoped they were and that they were thinking about the beautiful girl out at the river by herself...but another part of me dreaded the thought of them looking at me. I mean what if they were actually thinking about how my hair was looking sloppy and how my hips are too wide...what if they saw that I wasn't showing my teeth when I smiled or...something...

It just seems a wee bit ironic that I could talk to young girls about how they are beautiful and precious and deserve to be treated as such...when I struggle to say that to myself...or treat myself that way...

So, just as my book suggests, I am plagued by questions: Am I lovely? Do you see me? Do you want to see me? Are you captivated by what you find in me?

I don't know that I'm looking for anyone to post answers...I don't know if I'd believe them...I mean, they'd just be words...

I want to be beautiful...

Beautiful by Bethany Dillon...I'll post my thoughts in a few minutes...but these lyrics...they're my soul's cry.

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I
cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Love or Fear?

Luther's meaning of the First Commandment, as recorded in Luther's Small Catechism (which I diligently memorized years ago for my confirmation but can no long precisely recall in its enirity), he writes, "We are to fear, love and trust God above all else." This is a common theme through out Luther's Catechism..."fear, love, and trust". It's a seeming paradox, for it does hold great truth about the nature of our realationship with God.

My e-mail devotion for the day addressed this topic:
“Fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge. Only fools despise wisdom and discipline” (Proverbs 1:7).



"Are we to fear or love God?" asked our facilitator in a small group.



After a brief discussion we concluded that we are to do both: fear and love God. How can that be?



Fear without love makes God a merciless judge waiting to pounce on us if we do wrong. We don’t want to get near a God like that.



Love without fear, however, makes God to be a comedian who wants everyone to just be happy--- the old man in the sky with flowing white hair patting everyone on the head, mumbling, "Bless you. Everything will be just fine." That’s not love. It’s sentimental fluff.



Because God is awesome and holy, we fear Him. Because God is kind and good, we love Him.



In C.S. Lewis’ book, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, the children are to meet Aslan, the lion king of Narnia and they are afraid. "Is he tame?" one asks.



"Oh, no," Mr. Beaver says. "You have every right to be afraid of him, for he is fierce."



Then he smiles at the children, "but don’t be afraid, Aslan is not tame but he is good."



We are to fear God, to honor and respect Him, to live in awe of His power, and to obey His Word. But because we know He is good, we also love and trust Him.



Consider a child who loves and trusts his father. He knows his father will provide for him, look after him, protect him, stand by him and fight for him. Still, when he’s been naughty, he’s afraid all the same. Why? "What will dad do to me now?" he worries. He knows that he’s done something to displease his father and there will be consequences.



And what does a loving father do? Excuse bad behavior? Allow it to continue? No. Because he loves his child deeply, he’ll allow him or her to face the consequences. Otherwise, the child will not learn about the real world. The child will not grow and mature and learn from his or her mistakes.



Real love takes the long-term view. It punishes to prevent more harm. It disciplines to create more growth. It sometimes withholds what we think is good to give us something better.



Thus, the love of God is both tough and tender. Our response to a God like that is to fear and love Him.



~Father, I thank You that You love me enough to discipline me.


It very much reminds me of Hebrews 12:
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."[a]

7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet,"[b] so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

Warning Against Refusing God
14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 16See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. He could bring about no change of mind, though he sought the blessing with tears.
18You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; 19to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, 20because they could not bear what was commanded: "If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned."[c] 21The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, "I am trembling with fear."[d]

22But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, 23to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, 24to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

25See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? 26At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens."[e] 27The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain.

28Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29for our "God is a consuming fire."



For some reason, that imagery very much appeals to me. I like that my Father loves me enough to punish me when I do wrong yet has grace enough to sustain me and encourage me to do better. That's my meditation for the day, I guess.

Grace and peace to each of you.

Love

A few thoughts on what love is. Yes, some of them came from a forward, others did not, but give 'em a chance...you might just get all starry-eyed...or teary-eyed...I did...

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds: "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:


"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got
arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8


"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4


"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and
they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5


"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries
without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6


"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4


"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before
giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7


"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8


"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7


"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who
you hate,"
Nikka - age 6


"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday."
Noelle - age 7


"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends
even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6


"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8


"My mommy loves me more than anybody .
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6


"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5


"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7


"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4


"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes
and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4


"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you."
Karen - age 7


"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6


"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean
it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8

"Love is when a girl asks for a french fry, and he gives her all of them."
Nikki- age 4



And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscagla once talked
about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor
was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old
gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Genesis 22:2
"And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of."

Genesis 24:67
"And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death."

Genesis 29:20
"And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her."

Exodus 20:6
"And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments."

Deuteronomy 6:5
"And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might."

1 John 4:18
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love."

Matthew 10:37
"He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."

Proverbs 10:12
"Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins."

Romans 8:38-39
"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Ephesians 5:25-32
"25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church."

Hebrews 6:10-12
" 10For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shewed toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister.

11And we desire that every one of you do shew the same diligence to the full assurance of hope unto the end:

12That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises."

Matthew 22:37
"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind."

Romans 12:9
"Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good."

Peter 1:22
"Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:"

1 John 3:18
"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth."

John 15:13
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Romans 5:8
"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."


-A lot to read, I know, but I hope you enjoyed it....May the love of Christ fill your hearts and light up your lives.

Grace

Never Been Unloved Michael W. Smith

I have been unfaithful
I have been unworthy
I have been unrighteous
And I have been unmerciful

I have been unreachable
I have been unteachable
I have been unwilling
And I have been undesirable

And sometimes I have unwise
I've been undone by what I'm unsure of
But because of You
And all that You went through
I know that I have never been unloved

I have been unbroken
I have been unmended
I have been uneasy
And I've been unapproachable

I've been unemotional
I've been unexceptional
I've been undecided
And I have been unqualified

Unaware
I have been unfair
I've been unfit for blessings from above
But even I can see
The sacrifice You made for me
To show that I have never been unloved

It's because of You
And all that You went through
I know that I have never been unloved

Daughter of the King

Daughter of Evil

I know the title of this post seems to clash with that link, but it doesn't. I don't really know what to say, but that woman's story speaks for itself. So, read it.

Diverse City

Lately, I've really been pondering the world and how to serve in it. I started to think of that song by Toby Mac, "Diverse City":

They call us Diverse City, we're colorful good
It's like a freak show in your neighborhood
So, if you wanna praise you can come on down
Cause this freak show's leaving the ground

Up, up and away, baby we don't play, maybe you thought you was done for the day
He said, she said, I said this, that you can't get away from your moment of bliss
Stirring, we'll lure you in and we'll make room for the shade of skin
Short ones, tall ones, skinny ones, bigger, love is the gun and we pullin' that trigger
So you send me and I'll send you hope in the form of a new tattoo
Mine is the shiny city on a hill and yours, of course, is the colors that fill it
We'll take you high, we'll take you higher

Now come to the city where you can praise
If you're black, if you're white, if you're yellow or grey
In the morning, in the night, anytime of day
What's that place - Diverse City
With curls in your hair and braids on the side
Straight shake'em loose, just come on and ride
We're a body with parts, like you and me
Together we make diversity

Welcome to Diverse City, we're colorful good
It's like a freak show in your neighborhood
So, if you wanna praise you can come on down
Cause this freak show's leaving the ground

Said we're Diverse City, we're colorful goods
It's just a state of mind, we gonna shine the way that we should, baby
So, if you wanna praise you can come on down
Cause this freak show's leaving the ground

You bring the heart, I'll bring the soul
I'll bring the flag, you bring the pole
We'll fly it high so the whole world knows
The dream of a king 'bout to unfold

We 'bout to do this thing for real
Diverse City got mass appeal
So put your hand in the hand of mine
And we'll spread this love like dandelions

I like it because it paints a beautiful picture of what the Body of Christ, the Bride of Christ, the Church, truly looks like. We are all different, different colors and sizes, races and ethnicities. We even worship differently and live differently, but we're all one family. We will all worship together in Heaven. It's incredible. It makes me mindful of my brothers and sisters and my mindset towards them. Christ died for all of us, after all. I want to be able to help my brothers and sisters, to encourage them and support them as they seek to serve the Lord, just as I am doing.

That's why I was so struck by an e-mail I received recently:

Hi Takara,

I want to share an amazing story about a woman
surviving against the odds, and if you like it, you
can see it on PBS afterwards.

In a male-dominated village in Bangladesh, a woman
named only "Rohima" was married off before she reached
puberty. When her husband was later killed, her in-laws
threw her out, pregnant.

She and her infant son survived by growing vegetables
on a small plot and begging for food from neighbors. "I
was just a poor woman, with no husband. I was lower
than a dog," she said.

Though Rohima never finished primary school, she can
now diagnose and treat simple illnesses. By offering
her community valuable medical skills, she now holds a
respected place where few existed for women, let alone
single mothers.
Watch a video clip of Rohima's work here.
http://go.care2.com/e/Jjr/Jj/OUCp

Today, Rohima monitors the health of 300
households, visiting 15 homes a day and dispensing
advice about nutrition, sanitation, and family
planning. She teaches mothers to treat their
children's diarrheal dehydration by giving them
homemade oral-rehydration therapy: half a liter of
water, a pinch of salt, and a fistful of sugar. She
can also make preliminary diagnoses of illnesses like
tuberculosis, referring her patients to clinics for
tests and treatment. As a volunteer, she receives no
salary, but earns a living off commissions she makes
on health products. She and her son run a tiny
pharmacy, which she started with a small loan from
BRAC.

Rohima's story is only one exciting example of
groundbreaking progress on the frontlines of
global health explored in the PBS documentary
Rx for Survival—The Heroes. This two-hour
special features stories of real-life heroes whose
tireless perseverance saves millions of lives across
the globe.

Drawn from the acclaimed Rx for Survival—
A Global Health Challenge™ series, this unique
special is the true story of individuals whose
creativity, leadership and determination are finally
giving hope to people who have known only
poverty and disease, but who can now dream of
a safer and healthier future. Rx for Survival—
The Heroes is narrated by Brad Pitt and premieres
April 12 at 9p.m. on PBS.
Check your local listing for showtimes here:
http://go.care2.com/e/JjR/Jj/OUCp

Thanks for caring,
Hilary S.

P.S. It's not just community health that benefits from
training women to be health workers. By targeting some
of the world's most feared and lethal diseases, the
status of women fighting disease has also improved.
Read a dispatch in the field from one of the workers
participating in the program:
http://go.care2.com/e/Jjs/Jj/OUCp

I guess, what I'm hoping will come of this post is prayer. I just ask that you all would continue to hold the whole Church in prayer. Pray for our brothers and sisters who are out sharing the Gospel, pray for our brothers and sisters who serve from home, pray for those who have yet to hear the Gospel and join the family, pray for all those who became our brothers and sisters this day (Heaven rejoices for them; I figure we ought to as well.) Pray for those in a season of discernment that they might hear God's call and have the courage and strength to do His will.

-and all God's people said, "AMEN!"

Thoughts about Gifts

Simple Gifts by Aaron Copland

'Tis the gift to be simple,
'tis the gift to be free,
'tis the gift to come down
where we ought to be,
and when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gained
to bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,
to turn, turn, will be our delight
till by turning, turning we come round right.


Zen Parable: The Giver Should Be Thankful

While Seisetsu was teh master of Engaku in Kamakura he required larger quarters, since those in which he was teaching were overcrowded. Umezu Seibei, a merchant of Edo, decided to donate five hundred pieces of gold called ryo toward the construction of a more commodious school. This money he brought to the teacher.

Seisetsu said: "All right. I will take it."

Umezu gave Seisetsu the sack of gold, but he was dissatisfied with the attitude of teh teacher. One might live a whole year on three ryo, and the merchant had not even been thanked for five hundred.

"In that sack are five hundred ryo," hinted Umezu.

"You told me that before," replied Seisetsu.

"Even if I am a wealthy merchant, five hundred ryo is a lot of money," said Umezu.

"Do you want me to thank you for it?" asked Seisetsu.

"You ought to," replied Umezu.

"Why should I?" inquired Seisetsu. "The giver should be thankful."



Ecclesiastes 3:13
And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.

Matthew 5:22-24 (King James Version)
22But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
23Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;
24Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.


Matthew 7:11
If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?


Acts 8:20
But Peter said unto him, Thy money perish with thee, because thou hast thought that the gift of God may be purchased with money.

Romans 5:15-18 (King James Version)
15But not as the offence, so also is the free gift. For if through the offence of one many be dead, much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace, which is by one man, Jesus Christ, hath abounded unto many.
16And not as it was by one that sinned, so is the gift: for the judgment was by one to condemnation, but the free gift is of many offences unto justification.
17For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.)
18Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life.

Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:7
For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.

2 Corinthians 9:15
Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift.

Ephesians 2:8
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:

James 1:17
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.